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Sacrificing My Virginity

Posted by mysticdragonbjj on May 5, 2012 at 11:40 PM

I have come to the hard, cold realization I am facing a very demanding and high pressure situation. Why? Because I have chosen to follow in the footsteps of someone who can not be bettered! No matter what I do, I don’t think I can ever come close to reaching the level of excellence that Grand Master David Lang always displayed. Yet, I feel it is my calling to teach self defense grappling and so I persevere. What made Grand Master so perfect were his imperfections. As crazy as that sounds, they helped him relate to his students!

 

So, how am I supposed to relate to my students if they have copulated and sinned? It’s something I thought about earlier but dismissed. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize I need to sacrifice my virginity even if it seems “forced.”

 

After my great sacrifice, I will be able tell my students that I have indeed experienced carnal pleasure with a woman. I will explain I did it intentionally so I could relate to them better and that I promptly returned to celibacy afterward. I won’t stress a martyr angle (even though I imagine it’s harder to be celibate after having experienced sex with a real woman) and it will be the truth. Besides, Grand Master often emphasized the awesome power of the truth!

 

Since I don’t have much work from my editor this coming week, I’ve decided to leave for a legal brothel in Nevada on Wednesday.

 

Since I am undergoing this trip for my future students, depending on my schedule, I’m also going to try to roll with Frank Mir in Las Vegas! I feel like if I’m going to roll with someone, he should be a famous heavyweight. Plus, it could be a big "win win" if Frank lets me teach him some moves in return for some exposure on the "Countdown" series! I eliminated Shane Carwin (I can choose a route to Vegas that puts me very close to Greeley) as his jits just aren’t at a high enough level and ragdolling him wouldn’t silence many critics. Also, I have too much respect for the Gracies to lie to them about my background and I can’t imagine they would want anything to do with a black belt under Wallid’s lineage on the mat. (They did duck Grand Master David Lang on multiple occasions!) Right now I’m thinking I might have to settle for Robert Drysdale as my fall back option.

Tightening Society's Chastity Belt

Posted by mysticdragonbjj on April 30, 2012 at 11:15 AM

Time and again, we see the same recurring theme played out in the news and time and again, no man dares to take a stand. In one of its current headline incarnations, it’s the Secret Service further shaming this once proud country with reports of prostitute sex and marital infidelity. It seems the press enjoys the coverage and how those profits line the pockets of the 1% while everyone else seems caught up in a general malaise. Well my loyal blog readers, the time has come and Ryan Franklin is the man to finally take this issue to task.

 

I am a virgin. By choice. I am a healthy male in his 20s who also happens to be one of the baddest men in the world. I am a fully functioning, college educated member of society who pays taxes and has never so much as had a single parking ticket. I am attractive enough and could probably have slept with at least two different women by now if I had succumbed to temptation and if they didn’t hate me because of my Social Anxiety Disorder. I have started to come to peace with that and am well on my way to complete forgiveness of the ‘fairer gender.’ Finally, all six of my cats are male and our proud bachelor pad is full of orderly, platonic love.

 

So, to summarize, it’s OK to be a virgin. If you have had sexual relations with a woman, it’s OK to abstain if you are not yet married. Of course, if you are married, you must remain loyal. When some men get greedy and sleep with several women at once, it means some men must go without or some women will have multiple partners. This only leads to combustible situations (particularly if one of the men who must go without is a heavyweight BJJ blackbelt) and STDs. Let’s realize that acting on impulsive sexual urges is not manly but, in fact, cowardly. Forward this blog to everyone you know, vow to change your sexual attitudes and behavior and let’s retake our society!

A Positive First Step

Posted by mysticdragonbjj on April 24, 2012 at 7:00 AM

Phil, I see the chatter has ceased. Of course, the sites still have to be taken down and I will need proof of a formal apology to my Grand Master. Nonetheless, this is encouraging and I’m glad it now looks like I won’t have to hurt you.

 

I do sincerely hope you can understand how defensive I feel about being a black belt under Wallid Ismael’s lineage and the political persecution heaved upon both myself and my Grand Master. To reiterate, so long as the demands summarized above are met, you’ll be able to live your life free of any worries about crossing my path.

 

P.S. On a personal note, I’m going to pick up a beautiful Siamese mix young adult over in Scotts Bluff that I’m going to rename “Victory” in recognition of this positive development!

 

P.P.S. I meant to highlight your name in purple, i.e. your belt color. I now realize it looks kind of pink and I don’t want you to think I was questioning your heterosexuality as that would be completely uncool!

 

The Beast Awakens!

Posted by mysticdragonbjj on April 22, 2012 at 10:10 PM

UFC145 was certainly a much different experience for me than UFC144. Back then, I was calm and serene and enjoyed the PPV with my two cats. Fast forward two months and I’m in a much darker, colder and sinister place.

 

You see, the past week has been a blur filled with hard, intense training and days of fasting without sleep. I now have three more cats and can’t recall how I got them. Needless to say, all five cats prudently kept their distances from me during UFC145.

 

I am one of the baddest men on the planet. I am a heavyweight, a BJJ black belt and I’m skilled in Shaolin Eagle Claw Chin Na and muscle tears. Humility aside, I’m one of the last people anyone should ever piss off!

 

Even the toughest men need counsel

 

In light of my de facto excommunication from Grand Master David Lang, I tracked down one of the Shaolin monks via Google Translate and Skype. His advice allowed me to realize that this is God’s test of me and not only an opportunity to grow my academy but also to become the face of the anti bully movement!

 

I’m now officially at war!

 

For the past week, my rage has continued to grow as I read the heinous lies about my Grand Master and my lineage. The thing about the Internet is that the communication is asynchronous and anonymous. It’s the perfect environment for these pathetic little Internet terrorists. But I’m not cowering and I’m prepared to handle both of these issues head on.

 

Phil (aka mmaguy30), you are the head of these Internet terrorists, so you are the unlucky SOB that I’m calling out! I'm making your choices very clear. You can either issue a formal apology to Grand Master David Lang and take down these sites of lies or you can name a BJJ tournament sometime late this summer or early fall. Allow time for back and forth communication and make it one near you. I want your family and friends to see what I do to you!

 

My Grand Master may have turned the other cheek, but you didn’t get as lucky with me! It’s really ridiculous to think that you, a mere purple belt, want to challenge Wallid Ismael black belts! Think, if you can,for just a moment about how much better you are now than when you were a white belt. Now realize I’m that much better now than I was when I was a purple. “Lulz” as you and your anonymous little Internet terrorist buddies like to say that it’s taken you longer to reach purple than it took me to reach black. I’m a phenom and I’m so superior to you that I’ll beat you using straight BJJ with no need to call upon any muscle tears or Shaolin Eagle Claw Chin Na. Oh and understand I’m in a very dark place and will cede no quarter. You better pray you tap quickly and the ref stops me before I snap any limbs!

 

And when I travel to your locale and destroy you, you will then agree to issue the formal apology and take down the sites of lies about my lineage and Grand Master. If you don’t... well, you will because you’ll realize what I’ll do to you again! To circumvent the anonymity of the Internet, I will only communicate to you via this blog and you will communicate to me through your mmaguy30 handle on that "UG" thread about my beloved and embattled Grand Master. This will also give you one more reason to have the thread removed after I defeat you in front of your friends and family!

 

I’m not slowing down, Phil. I’m going to continue to train very hard without sleep and fast. The amalgamation of lucid and indefatigable thoughts is helping me develop new, cutting-edge submissions. Right now, only my grappling dummy knows what I’ll do to you but unfortunately for you, Tommy can’t talk!

 

It’s put up or shut up time for you Phil. I’ll check back in some time on that stomach-churning thread for your response. To everyone else, see what I do to Phil first and let’s avoid any further casualties!

 

Oh Phil, if you choose the second option...

 

In addition to formally apologizing to Grand Master David Lang and taking down the sites of lies, albeit a few months later, you will also be made the villain of a Hollywood script that I will write and play the leading role in as myself! Then, my legions of fans will be the ones creating the phil fraud sites and you will be powerless to take legal action against so many rabid fans both here and abroad. Don’t say you weren’t warned! This is His will and His test and I will not fail!

 

My brilliant end game!

 

The end is near my blog followers. The lies and the Internet terrorists will soon be exposed. Finally, the Internet will become friendly and the everlasting effect of my victory for the absolute good will be the good news that will go ‘viral’ in the press. World leaders will even have to stop and take note and finally acknowledge the foolishness of wars and fighting. It starts today and it starts with me, Ryan Franklin, fulfilling my destiny and doing His will by utilizing my phenom grappling talents!

I Should Have Seen the Many Warning Signs

Posted by mysticdragonbjj on April 14, 2012 at 1:10 AM

After 20 some years of always trying to do things the right way and enduring more pain than anyone should have to experience in a 100-year life, I really thought I had found my calling as a self defense BJJ instructor. It gave my life meaning for the very first time. Starting with my very first lesson, I put thousands of hours into cataloging my knowledge and developing my own unique curriculum. I intentionally avoided the “trendy” social media marketing and chose to remain old school and classy by not pushing my lessons on others.


Confidence in my character


In an era where just about everyone else “front loads” a bunch of fake testimonials, I laid out the bare truth and even set up an empty testimonials page. (Clearly the act of a dying breed in my admittedly biased opinion!)


You see, I was -- and remain -- extremely confident that if I get a few students who clear my admission hurdle, I’ll have a few real testimonials with full names shortly thereafter. Within a year of that, I reasonably planned to have a thriving and successful academy right here in the Nebraska Panhandle and within five years, I would have produced a small but growing legion of black belts to help ensure competent BJJ instruction to the 99%.


The wait


Weeks go by without so much as a single email, but I have faith and remain steadfast in my calling and calculations. Then, that first email arrives. My spirit is lifted.


The unexpected kick to the gut


But it’s only for a moment. You see, the email was not sent by a sincere person eager to learn jiu jitsu. Nope. It’s from a mendacious individual who has the audacity to tell me I don’t have a black belt from Grand Master David Lang -- the framed certificate of which is my most prized possession. He has a link to a video where Wallid denies the financial disputes that I have personally known were ongoing between him and David for years. He points to a thread that is full of revolting personal attacks on David, his wife and kids. The thread also points to a website that was taken down undoubtedly because it’s highly libelous. As I write this hours later, I’m still trembling with anger.


Heed the warnings of those you trust


Grand Master David Lang warned me that politics were even more vicious in BJJ than they were anywhere else. How right he was. He opened up and talked about the jealousy he faced for being not just Master Wallid Ismael’s first black belt, but also for being a non Brazilian. He mentioned the politics of the entrenched fight camps and big-name agents that kept him from pursuing what likely would have been a successful UFC career.


My miscalculation


I thought I had adequately heeded his sage warnings, but perhaps the allure of running my own academy was too strong and I became overconfident that I could achieve some lasting satisfaction in my life. I understood how money can get in the way of the strongest non family relationships and that is why I more or less cut ties to him and decided to pursue my own form of BJJ without having to worry about getting co-signed belt certificates. I also wanted to be able to focus on teaching and keep my belt promotion process streamlined and felt it was time for Ryan Franklin to finally become his “own man.” Perhaps if I had stayed in better touch with the Grand Master (his phone has been disconnected and thelangmma email address no longer works), I would have some much needed emotional support during this excruciatingly trying time.


My intense pain


I know I should be tougher and that I shouldn’t let this baseless criticism get me down. But I also think I’m now feeling the cumulative effect of a lifetime of hardship and pain. And I’m furious at myself for underestimating a risk that couldn’t have been laid out more simply for me. Simply blocking emails from that sender hasn’t even begun to quell the intense feelings that have been stirred.


Looking ahead


It’s going to be along, quiet weekend for me. And not just because I’m still all alone in Alliance and felt forced to mention even a small bit about a private financial dispute that shouldn’t concern me or the individual who emailed me. I have a painfully difficult choice to make too. Of course, my decision to become more adroit at home improvement by starting with the airtight insulation of my garage just might help me with this decision as well as the fact I have no progeny that I am responsible for nor that my SAD can be passed on to.


Grand Master David, if you read this, please forgive me for losing touch with you. I guess we're going to find out if you were right about a BJJ black belt being stronger than SAD.

 

My Lowest and Highest Points

Posted by mysticdragonbjj on March 8, 2012 at 12:20 AM

Even though I was always a relatively big kid, I still had self esteem issues, no friends and was picked on fairly regularly. I told myself things would get better when I got to college and I tried to lose myself in my studies. Besides, I had grown a shell that shielded me from the general lack of friendliness and ostracization as long as I wasn’t being harassed too blatantly.

 

The low point came my senior year of high school. I had gone to pick up my youngest brother from day care. I got to the school and heard the fire alarm. I completely panicked. I bullrushed through the center to my brother’s room, scooped him up, rushed him out to the car and raced him straight home. I thought I was a hero.

 

When I got home however, my mother informed me that the daycare center did not want me on their premises anymore. One of my parents would have to do pickups from then on. It was a fire drill. Not only did I panic but I violently bowled over several children and two teachers in my mad dash in and out of the center. (I weighed about 220 lbs at the time and today I am 245 lbs.) I cost my family several thousand dollars in medical bills for the damage I had inflicted. That cost, however, paled in comparison to the shame I had brought on them and the ensuing apologies that had to be made.

 

If the shame wasn’t bad enough, word of my poor judgment spread like wildfire at my school. Even the teachers joined in on the teasing. I was bullied a lot and always felt physically threatened. I was absolutely miserable. I thought things could never get better and I seriously contemplated suicide.

 

It would be several years before things did start to feel better. That was when I decided I needed some non academic challenges and shortly thereafter I got lucky and discovered Lang MMA. Three years and one month later came my highest point when I earned my black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu under Grand Master David Lang.

 

This fall, I’m going to return to my high school and attend a reunion. I won’t pretend that I will receive a hero’s welcome or that the popular girls will throw themselves all over me. But I will feel much more self confident. And I will most definitely NOT feel physically threatened by anyone’s fists.

 

BJJ was definitely the right choicefor me. While it may not be the right choice for you, don't be afraid to click the 'Getting Started' link on the top right to take the next step if you feel a self defense themed BJJ black belt may be in your destiny.

 


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